Clean - Hmm. I guess I have not tried hard enough

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Sound Test

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10-27-09 - Alone

The clock dials move, the time goes past and I feel the dark enfold
The hours crawl by and days roll on as I feel the time get old
I wonder if I should move, I wonder if I should think
Maybe I’ll just go to the kitchen, and get myself a drink
I cannot change the past as much as I need
I want there to be a future where I do not move at this speed

The empty space grows larger, just how large I cannot tell.
The gnawing inside myself for now I cannot dispel
The presence and the life once led are something sorely missed
While others reach from afar to save me from the abyss
The tunnel of dark stretches onward and deep, no light is there in sight
In brightest part of the coldest day the time still feels like night

From dawn to dusk, from horizon to hill,
The valley is wider and the river is not filled
It’s said Time heals all things and makes pain go away
But that time is not now, and that time is not today
The world has changed and we are here to stand witness
What is gone is still gone and forever is what is missed
When no one else is there and friends return to where they dwell
That is when I am alone, and my heart is alone as well

10-18-09 - Back from There

I know I said I was not going away for vacation but hey sometimes we need to get away. I took the ride up with Carlo, Rob, and Trec and hung out for the weekend in Montreal. I enjoyed time by myself in between the parties as well as the city and meeting new friends and did plenty of dancing the night away.

I feel good to have come back clear-headed and upbeat with plenty of good times with friends and good music to remember.

Thinking more and more about what my plans past the time of vacation, it seems to be I think I am still up in the air but at the same time my thoughts are settling down. The flux of events is rolling by in ways both expected and unexpected. Despite the madness that keeps occurring I am enjoying myself regardless. As I must.

My friends seem to be in flux now too. From growing more distant, to growing closer to just acting strangely. I think sometimes I just need to be there to witness and to catalyze the changes. The chaos has no meaning without a witness to tell the tale. I will watch, wonder, and then smile..

Special thanks on my multiple nights out in the city:
Gym
Splash

9-24-09 - The Summer comes to a close - The next season begins..

I was very happy this past weekend to party on Governor's Island and see the Freemasons first U.S. appearance. The final weekend of the summer was very festive for sure. I met a lot of friends both old and new and had a good time till the last song. Saw Christian, Brett, Alex, James and Joe MG. At the end I left and rode back with Jackie and Vervin. The ferry ride back to the mainland was anti-climactic as was walking back to City Hall so I could catch a taxi back to BK. But getting home OK was its own reward.

With the arrival of fall the difference between the day and the night is readily apparent. Having to carry a jacket with one reminds me of my trips to San Francisco, or to Amsterdam. I can deal with being prepared for the day as well as the night as I have always been a fan of being prepared for whatever. The days are getting shorter and time for the reign of the night is at hand. This also means the time of the year when I have also had more issues with getting up and going home without incident.

However this year my winter wear is far more advanced than any times past and my knowledge of what to expect and how to continue is more advanced than ever.

As I am still unsure of what to do with my days, and how to manage my time in-between weekends, I will continue to devise new means of occupying myself. Any sort of writing at all (even on my blog) goes towards shattering my writer's block. Or at least provide an outlet for the words I need to have expressed.

I still don't have my next purpose mapped out but at the very least I am getting a better sense of what it should be. I have been in a sort of limbo for far too long and I need to settle, and reorient and at least devise a plan of action. I've been flying by the seat of my pants for quite a while now and now that I actually have to worry about paying for my med coverage I now have a sort of incentive to do something that pays my bills and not just stuff that makes bills.

It was true that I needed a break and a time to re-orient after working for the company for so long but at the same time I can't let my bad experience color my outlook on all future types of gainful employment. Until I have reached a certain level of independence I still need to keep that sort of option open. I still have my friends but I have yet to have the desire to push any sort of dependence on any of them yet for job offers, placement, people to give resume's to or the like. It will be some time before we reach that level of need let alone the desire.

For now I will continue as we have done and let my dreams and interests guide my focus and do my best to keep my mind open until I am doing what I need to do, and I am in the place that I need to be. The day is coming and I am insomniac through the night awaiting that dawn.

9-15-09 - People are crazy, but I enjoy them anyways

I have journeyed into the late night and enjoyed the times. I have managed to show my newest bartenders what I expect so I can get the drinks that I want when I want them. I have learned to hydrate before, during and after so that I wake up just as fresh as I usually am in the afternoons after eating lunch. The DURING seems to be the most important and I will continue to do this because I enjoy the effect it has on my morning attitude (and breath).

I have gone to Mickey D's at 4am and actually read a book while waiting for dinner to finish being served and so I could have a sausage mcmuffin. I only did that once though. Eating a hot dog or some nice leftovers at home is just as good, doesn't require a wait and doesn't waste my time.

I try not to be surprised by people, especially when they appear to be inebriated. But for the second weekend in a row I was surprised at the fluidity of peoples supposed preferences when greasy food is involved.

I also found out that bad situations (like having your car towed) are better when you have friends around because they help you formulate a plan, keep you company and you can watch the more inebriated suffer more than you.

I also was able to get to the gym twice the past week (Thursday and Saturday) and also helped one of my friends set up his netbook. The weekend was capped off with an impromptu stop at a club on Varick street that was awfully packed for a Sunday night with a non-holiday Monday. I saw Kenny Kenny perform and had too many Corona for my own good. I still managed to leave before it was too late, get home from Broadway fairly easily and got down to my Sunday sleep much earlier than my usual Sunday insomnia allows.

The doctor says I am healthy (still) and I even still have good cholesterol. The prospects for this fall are getting better all the time. We will enjoy for sure.

Fun stops along the way:
Gym
G Lounge
Splash
Vandam Sundays @ Greenhouse