9-07-10 - The colors brighten and then fade. But something new awaits...

Nothing spectacular to report. No new news to impart. Despite all of the wishes and hopes and fond memories nothing truly ever changes except the seasons. I still want so much for things to roll back and branch off on a high note rather than to have things be mundane and urbane and so normal when even a chaos would liven up the regularity that seems to roll in off the waves of the ocean.

I still have hopes, desires, dreams, and plans that I want so much to be able to complete. Music to mix, Songs to sing, stories to write, good times to be had. Friends to enjoy all of these things with over and over again. I am so happy my family and friends have decided to really do their best to just be there, understanding even with no words needed, to have people around you that simply care. New adventures have been enjoyed, new friends have been met, and still the best of times I look forward to lay before me.

Just waiting idly by while so much has been undone would be kind of awful as well. When the days seem to just run together and I feel like I’ve been disconnected, rubbed raw, over-sensitized to just about anything new happening around me, then maybe I need to change. I’ve been a proponent of good change for as long as I can remember but have been letting everything in my vicinity stay the same. I think I will let some things end naturally and I guess I will allow them to stay in the past. But not everything should fade. Some things I want, and even need to grow and brighten and crystallize into something even I don’t know the full design of yet.

If we could plan out every conceivable path then I’m sure we would grow bored when there were no surprises. I have enjoyed the surprises and the well laid plans so far and so I look forward to so many more. As the summer ends, and the days grow shorter and the nights expand to darken to each horizon I know I will be here still. Being sad and idle does not call to me and it never would be something I would choose. I look forward to taking part in something amazing and I know that it’s very possible that something amazing will happen soon. I am happy to know amazing people, I know I am capable of things that are new and amazing in their own right, and nothing I have seen so far changes that feeling. In life, In love, In dreams, In all of the above.

Hanging out with the guys at:
Gym G Lounge Splash

8-16-10 - Summer in the City. If you haven't been having fun, mores the pity…

Summer Nights

Fending off a summer cold is not anyone’s idea of a good time. Thankfully things have been mostly under control. Fun with family and fun times with friends all at the appropriate times and places. I do miss the summer travel this year but thankfully the city has plenty to occupy oneself with even when you see the same places week in and week out.

I have kept an upbeat outlook despite the sameness that has seemed to creep in. To assist with this I have started helping my friends with their various projects, entertainments and events. I have plenty of things to do already but the quiet moments have started to last far too long, especially outside of the weekend so maybe being seen and seeing the scene at new times and places will awaken my own creativity and need to express.

It has been a cool, cool summer so far. I think the rest of summer days and nights will be great as well. I will do my part. I’m sure all of the other people will be on board with that as well.

Special thanks to
Gym
G Lounge
Splash

7-13-10 - Hearts will go on, and not catch on the first driftwood that floats by..

I know I am far more emotional lately than I ever used to be. I had walls and emotional defenses in place that would shame fortified bunkers. I could look hurt and move on quickly while never forgetting the exchange took place. My emotions were my own and only shared at points of my choosing. I never had to worry about embarrassing myself via emotional outburst.

Well those days are no longer. While that might seem like a bad thing at first I can say that what I’ve lost in fortification I’ve gained in sensitivity. I see more and feel more and acknowledge that more things can affect me. I watch and learn but I also take away emotional undertones and know how simple acts can mean much more on a grander scale to some.

When someone offers you something that you do not want, yet you do not want to hurt that persons feelings, Maybe you just feel too much. When you realize you have only known that person for 2 days and so then WANT to hurt their feelings because it would not mean as much as hurt feelings weeks or months later, maybe you just feel too much.

Looking back I can see where I should have just gotten to the point. Knowing that my time and lifetime are far too valuable to waste on pointless exercises with pointless people. If ever faced with the same or similar situation of course I know what I would say and do.

But to get through the lesson the first time is always so hard. It left echoes in my lifetime for days. It makes me angry (still) just to think that someone actually thought they could have my best interests at heart, better than I know for myself. Especially after only knowing me for 2 days.

A light in the middle of the darkness is still a light. It attracts all kinds of things to the glow but really just wants to be next to another light. The twinned glow can look beautiful from a distance but may end up being just a xenon light and a firefly. I will save my own light for a glow that is as bright as my own. I will not settle for an insect. Those I will shoo away and if they won’t go away quietly, then those I will give a healthy swat and then move on.

Sorry witnesses to my emotions, I will be more fun next time:
Gym,  G Lounge, and Splash

6-11-10 - And Then We Must Ask. Why Man Babies. Why?

Why is it when people do not get what they want they must revert to the most childish moments of their lives and start to call people names. These same people who have up to that point, guided them through the most interesting and enlightening parts of the night of their simple life up till this point. This appears to be especially true for the tourist who thinks they are coming to New York and know it all, done it all, and can teach a city person a thing or to.

But then when the city person (or people) do not act like they do on reality television then that city person must be lacking in personality, or realness, or are too jaded to relate to “real” people who happened to crawl out of the depths of the middle of nowhere.

Excuse me but if there were lessons to be learned by living in the middle of nowhere then everyone would be flocking in that direction instead of the opposite of what they do right now and yesterday (and tomorrow). I can do my best to be nice, to show a person a good time, (and their twin sister), and even treat the person to food at the all night bakery. But when someone insists on projecting their own insecurities on the new city people they just met, just because they didn’t get their way, and start to denigrate those same friendly city folk they met, then that is when their own immaturity is brought to light. Projecting petty insecurities and unmet desires on people who only were only trying to be nice is a sad way to go through life silly sonny.

I take notice and realize what a wasted effort it was to try and pull their personality out of the tar pit it was stuck in. I thought I met someone who wanted to learn something, who just before had been asking good questions, and not a been there/done that know-it-all old man in a man-baby's body. I thought I met someone who could be cool, not a prima donna. But as they say time and time again: You cannot make a country mouse into a city mouse. Even if the country mouse is big in their own borough of the hamlet. They just do not compare to the complexity of the mindset of someone who lives, breathes and watches the tourist personality come and go like the tides. I guess (and know) I would do better to devote my energy to those more mature ones, instead of burning through energy trying to save those who are not ready to be pulled onto the raft of reason. The ones who must stay adrift and just attract the sharks and other scavengers before they are ready to face the reality of their situation. And maybe then finally do what must be done. To Grow Up.

Not really sorry that I am sounding "jaded" myself for writing this but I guess I deserve what I get when I try to hang out with the traveling and immature.

As I visited:
Gym Splash

6-10-10 - Preparation is Key

The weeks have been flying by and I always forget that I haven’t blogged in a while. The story writing is coming along and I’m working with my sis to get the horror novel edited and ready to be published. The first of the Pride mixes is complete (the Pre-Party Mix) and I will be able to give it to my friends soon. I’ve planned where I will go. I’ve picked up what I will wear. I know it will be good because I’ve already promised that to myself.

I am so happy that allergy season is almost over. Whenever I forget to take the antihistamines my nose swells up and I get so tired I just want to sleep for the ever. The days are getting longer and the summer is approaching like an elderly driver towards an innocent fruit stand. I have been trying to do so much all at once but I’m still not sure what I want. I’m not even sure I can get what I want. But if I don’t try then I won’t get anything. The Queen does not pardon someone who doesn’t even ask. I wish it was as easy as just asking. But I do know I will have to work for it. And since I’m no longer the youngest and most rambunctious I have to try even harder.

I can do it still though. My friends believe in me, I believe in me, and tomorrow is a new day.

Special Thanks to my friends at:
Gym G Lounge Splash

5-13-10 - Much to do Much to Do

Music and Writing has been keeping me busy. Developed a new storyline (The Royals), made some new mixes, and started releasing some of the mixes digitally. With digital distribution my friends from all over have gotten to hear some of my latest as well as some of the greatest hits.

At first I just posted the mix to mediafire so I could post them to my Facebook. But after they were popular with my FB friends I decided I also wanted to share with my Plurk friends which led to having some new fans cross country and around the world.

Being busy with music and with writing is not the worst thing. I will just have to endeavor to focus and not let the video games, Discovery Channel, Cartoon Network and DVR programming distract me too much. And also stay healthy and enjoy my friends. I will be doing my best. And along with some grand personal realizations in the past few weeks, I will be spinning even more plates in the air than before. But I do my best work under pressure. Let the show begin.

Thanks friends at
Gym G Lounge Splash
we look forward to much fun soon, and of course today